Thursday, December 12, 2013

Garbage Pail Kids - the Curse of Apple Cory

Garbage pail kids, nasty caricatures of what I thought to be cabbage patch kids gone to the dark side, sold in little card packs for some coveted price that came with a piece of stale gum, I want to say they went for a quarter or so pack. No one was interested in the shitty gum, the cards were playground currency.    Wikipedia sayeth:

"Each sticker card features a Garbage Pail Kid character having some comical abnormality, deformity and/or suffering a terrible fate, with a humorous, word play-rich character name such as Glandular Angela or Half-Nelson. Two versions of each card were produced, with variations featuring the same artwork but a different character name denoted by an "a" or "b" letter after the card number. The sticker fronts are die-cut so just the kid with its nameplate and the GPK logo can be peeled from the backing. Many of the card backs feature puzzle pieces to form giant nine-card murals"

This meant, you turned the sticker/cards over, and if you had enough .... It completed a giant garbage pail kid in all it's nasty glory - and that meant a dire need.  Say ' giant pail kid' out loud as a nine year old child.  It's amplified in tone, and causes that reaction you see in dolphins when fish appear in the trainer's hands, as if ones' life depended on having all the pieces.  Some of the cards had jokes or comics on the back, not a huge let down...but nothing to sneak home with.  Three pieces below represent the puzzle finds, the rest....entertaining duds.


Here is a done backside Kid:


Of all my personal covets, I have probably 350 kid cards, and I don't have a clue why but I think they are in the trunk of my car in collector sleeves and a 3-ring binder, and have been for years.








I am partial to the above, it's the earliest and crude without rude.  If you lived the garbage pail kid fad, there is a distinct difference between gross, and tight rope walking out of line for a kid card.  But never fear, these were WAY before politically correct was a phrase and more so - a way of living.  People were less afraid of offending others, and others were not instinctively defensive as if looking to be slighted for race/gender/religion or political affiliations.  People at worst most times bitched at one another and went on their way.  It didn't make the news as a hate crime, because it wasn't.

It didn't make the news at all.

For what it's worth, this was my draw:



I was expelled in grade school, third seems likely, for having not only coveted, but followed through with blatant thievery in one Apple Corey card.


Being a shitty thief, I stole it and left it it plain view if one were to lift the desk lid (some schools, maybe most, had desks that your gear was in it, not the planks and plastic chairs of now).   So Apple Cory was in no way hiding and thus came my first criminal offense.  Snitch - bitch with super frizzy hair named Monica.  The incident had everyone scorning me, including the Hairlip (deformed girl with a cleft pallet = Hairlip).  I remember being in line for roll call and her calling me a "stealer."  Stupid hairlip, accuse me with proper grammar, or don't at all lest we both look stupid.  :P



Totally True:                                                                                   

Wiki: The Oregon Trail is a computer game originally developed by Don Rawitsch, Bill Heinemann, and Paul Dillenberger in 1971 and produced by the Minnesota Educational Computing Consortium (MECC) in 1974. The original game was designed to teach school children about the realities of 19th century pioneer life on the Oregon Trail. The player assumes the role of a wagon leader guiding his party of settlers from Independence, Missouri, to Oregon's Willamette Valley over the Oregon Trail via a covered wagon in 1848.

It was brutal.  I especially sucked at keeping my crew alive on rations.  Stingy bitch from the get go me thinks?  We did NOT however get dysentery or malaria because I know how to keep feet dry and bug at bay.  It's still a good game - but also a fantastic example of computer technology.... that green color you see below?  That was THE color when the machine was on.  Some were orange.

Seriously.

Always picking the banker and then having your family die on The Oregon Trail .



Radical Recall:                                                                               

 1980:  Blondie: Call Me - I have this 45 record.  The other side plays "Heart of Glass"





1983: Hall & Oates: Maneater:




Legit Lingo:                                                                                                            
Tubular
Part of Speech: Adjective
Meaning: Awesome
Usage: We just watched Red Dawn. It was totally tubular, dude!

To the max
Part of Speech: Adjective
Meaning: Extreme
Usage: The Thriller video is grody to the max!



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