Flopping

Right.  And yeah I often start that way because it is simply how I speak.  So let's talk circa fuck all, 2000?  Freshly married to a man I never liked and have no excuse for marrying.  My mother literally cried.

His summer party was at Wild Waters in Sparks.  I felt .... poorly and ordered the chicken cutlet inserts.  With greedy hands and a wild accepting smile, I signed for said goodness and stole into the bathroom like a bandit with contraband thinking holy shit, I have boobs!

I had purchased an entire new bikini and all the pretentious shit to impress people I didn't know, never would and gave a single shit about.  But there I was..... walking in like Jenna Fucking Jameson on crack...... bouncing in with those stupid things as if a photo shoot was happening. 

Everyone having a good time, I know no one and make zero attempt to reach out and be fake.  I have learned in later years to embrace this.

I still resent it.

So I am dared to hit a water slider called the Black Widow.  Which means I had to climb a fucking mountain of angry stairs.  I did so.  Slowly.  I waved braver fuckers passed me with no pissy at all.  By all means, test that fucker out.

My turn.  Let's examine black widow.  It is a complete black out chute at like... mock 50 million.  I shot out... about fifty million miles an hour, raft gone, and trying to get myself proper when I hear "Mommy what IS that thing!!!!!" as she covers her kid, my fake boob totally bobbing nipple up in the water.

In front of my ex husbands entire company, I plucked it out of the water and ran off.  I gave no one an explanation.